A Million Smiles
by lupisvenatrixploratusmulierum
Summary: ONESHOT. His nightmares are filled with images of her death and he wishes they would stop…but part of him wants it never to end. It's the only way he can see her now.


_"Isaac…"_

_She extends a reach, reaching, grasping for him, her face pained and torn in anguish and despair until peace starts to settle, lines smoothing and eyes closing gently…_

"ISAAC!" A sharp sting across his cheek wakes his up. Scott hovers over him, face filled with worry and he sits back as Isaac sits up, his whole body trembling with the cold despite the terrible summer heat.

"You okay?" Scott asks him gently. Isaac knows he's far from okay, but he nods anyway. Scott sighs and looks down at the ground, avoiding his gaze.

"You were mumbling Erica's name in your sleep." He mutters. Isaac refuses to meet his gaze and looks down at his hands. He doesn't want to talk about it. Especially not with Scott.

"Isaac, if you need someone to talk to-" Isaac scrambles out of his sleeping bag on the floor and leaves Scott's room, not wanting to have a heart-to-heart with his new Alpha.

He respects Scott. He always has. And to him, the decision to leave Derek's Pack for Scott's Pack was an easy one, even if Derek was no longer an Alpha.

But Isaac misses his days in Derek's Pack. Not so much the constant and painful training sessions Derek would put them through, but the times they would have when those training sessions were over.

Derek would always retreat to his bus to be alone, but sometimes he'd hang out with them. Isaac. Boyd. Erica. Sometimes he'd even crack a smile when he'd have these rare moments with them. It was hard not to crack a smile in Erica's presence.

Isaac walks outside onto the Porch and enjoys how the cool air hits him gently. He sits down on the steps, head in his hands, his eyes closed as he travels through his memories.

Anything to be with her.

He remembers her smile. He remembers that she used to have a million different types of smiles. There was her genuine smile, the smile that lit up the room and made his heart beat like crazy. There was her mischievous smile, the smile she'd get whenever she was feeling flirty, or whenever Derek would send the both of them on a mission. There was the sympathetic smile she'd always give him whenever Derek would hurt him during training sessions. And then there was his favorite smile, the devilish one that would appear every time she was doing something she enjoyed.

He also remembers the color of her skin. Tan skin, flawlessly smooth and perfect in every way. He remembers the golden brown color of her eyes, and the way they used to flash golden whenever she got angry, or wanted to threaten someone. He remembers her lips and how soft they were, and how the first time they'd kissed had been a playful one, just in an overcrowded club trying to distract Jackson long enough to take him out. He remembers their second kiss more, because that one was real. That was the one that counted.

It had been after the fiasco at the club. He'd taken her home and walked her to her porch and she was shivering from the cold, but also because she was scared.

"Isaac, the Kanima….Jackson….I don't think we can stop him. You saw what he did tonight-"

"Shh…Derek will come up with something. He always does." He thought those words would be reassuring, but she simply nodded, her expression not changing. Isaac had grabbed her hand and wrapped his arms around her shivering body.

"I won't let anyone hurt you." He had whispered. And she had chuckled and looked up at him with this expression on her face that Isaac didn't quite understand. And then she had kissed him. Gently, at first, then more passionately. Isaac remembers snaking a hand around her neck and cupping her cheek with his other hand, and he remembers the way her hand curled around her elbow, her other hand at his waist, pulling him closer. He remembers that they stayed kissing for a good two minutes before she had finally pulled apart and rested her forehead on his, chuckling under her breath. And he had kissed her forehead and told her goodnight as she walked inside, that genuine smile lighting up her face and making Isaac's heart beat wildly.

Then, just like that, those memories are gone. Replaced with memories he doesn't want to remember.

Being thrown in a room. A dark one. A light buzzing in the corner was all he had, and just as the claustrophobia began to set in, he saw her in the corner, her whole body bruised and rotting and her eyes wide and staring.

He beats a fist into his head, trying to expel the memories and trying his best to breathe.

"Erica…" He whispers.

He wants her back. He wants her alive. Her wants her here with him again. He should've run with her and Boyd. He never should've abandoned them. Then he would've been captured with them and he could've protected her. He could've stopped them from hurting her.

From killing her.

"Erica…" He whispers again. He can feel hot tears building in his eyes.

"Isaac?" Soft hands touch his. He looks up, and it's her face he sees.  
She's smiling at him. That genuine smile he loves so much. He knows he's hallucinating but he doesn't care. He'll live in this hallucination forever if he has to.

"I miss you." He reaches out to touch her face, his fingers grazing her cheek. Her eyes closer at his touch and her lips part slightly as a small smile forms on her face.

"I miss you, too. More than anything."

"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…"

"Shhh…." Her fingers stroke through his hair, and if he closes his eyes, he can almost feel her touch.

"I'm all alone now…Derek and Boyd are gone, too-"

"I'm always here. Always." She whispers. He shakes his head, the tears falling despite himself.

"Except you're not. You're gone, Erica. I just…I need you here, for real-"

"I can't come back from the dead, Isaac." She says gently.

"Then don't be dead." He grumbles. She laughs and inches closer to him so that their foreheads are almost touching. He can almost feel her, almost…

"I wish I could come back."

"Wish harder."

"I'm dead. I can't wish." She says, chuckling. Isaac shakes his head, the words 'I'm dead' paining him more than anything.

"Isaac…" He looks up at her now, and her expression is saddened. He closes his eyes, wanting to imagine that she really is here, that he can touch her…

"I love you." He whispers.

When he opens his eyes, she's gone.

"Isaac?" He turns to see Miss McCall at the door, her eyes tired, but her smile sad.

"Come on inside. It's cold out." She says gently. He stands and walks inside and her hand rubs his back sympathetically.

"I miss her, too." She whispers. He looks at her in shock, and then he remembers that Miss McCall was Erica's doctor. Scott is lying in bed awake when Isaac enters his room, and he looks up as he enters.

"You okay?" He asks gently. Isaac nods once and lies back in his sleeping back. When he turns over, Erica is lying beside him, a smile on her face.

"Stay with me…" Isaac whispers as gently as he can. She turns to look at him, that smile turning into a devilish one.

"You know I will." She says. He takes her hand in his, and when he closes his eyes, he can feel it. He falls asleep with a smile on his face, and for the first time in months, his dreams aren't filled with her death.

They're filled with her life. Her life with him.


End file.
